倾听技巧成就你的好人缘

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Listening is arguably the most important element of interpersonal communication. Our ability to listen well impacts the quality of all of our relationships, and not just at home with our family and friends—it can also affect our relationships and interactions on the job, as well as the effectiveness and quality of our work。
倾听可以说是人际交往中最重要的因素。我们倾听的能力影响了我们人际关系的好坏，不只是和我们的家人朋友的关系——它也会影响我们在工作中的关系和相互作用，而且也会影响到我们工作的效率和质量。

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Listening is not something that comes naturally or easily for most of us, however; it is a skill that must be cultivated and practiced. Active listening means, as its name suggests, means that we make a conscious and concerted effort to fully engage with the speaker. Active listening is the difference between simply hearing, and listening with the intent to truly understand. It is a subtle but important distinction。
对于我们大部分人来说，倾听并不是自然和简单的事，然而它是一个我们必须加以训练的技能。主动倾听，顾名思义，表示我们与讲话的人做出了有意识的和协调一致的努力。积极倾听不同于简单的听见，而且有目的的倾听才能去理解。这是一种微妙但是重要的区别。

A Few Active Listening Guidelines
几条主动倾听的指南：

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1. Give focused attention
集中注意力

Try to minimize external distractions. Turn down the noise, and put down or step away from what you’re doing if possible. Also, set aside other internal thinking and dialogue. Don’t watch the clock, fidget or go over your to-do list for later。
尽量减少外部干扰。将噪声降低，如果可能的话请停止你正在做的事情。同时，抛开其他的思维活动和内心对话。不要看表、坐立不安或者翻看你的待办事项。

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2. Maintain eye contact
保持眼神接触

Direct eye contact shows your attention and intention to listen. This doesn’t mean stare though. Intense eye contact can be intimidating to some—especially the shy or introverted. Be reasonable, but try not to let your eyes wander to whatever is going on around you。
直接的目光接触表现了你倾听的注意力和意图，但这不表示要盯着看。激烈的眼神接触可能吓到一些人——特别是害羞或性格内向的人。要有合理的眼神接触，但是不要让眼神游离于周围发生的事情上。

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3. Smile
微笑

Facial expressions convey a lot, and a smile is open, inviting, and encouraging。
面部表情传达了很多信息，微笑是坦率、有魅力、鼓舞的表达。

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4. Watch body language
注意身体语言

Be conscious of your body language. Keep an open posture, a non-aggressivestance, face the speaker(s)， lean in rather than away, watch your hands, how you tilt your head and your expressions. (For instance, I tend to cross my arms in front of me because it feels comfortable and wrinkle my brow because I’m concentrating, but this body language can appear defensive or critical, so I need to make an effort to soften a bit。) Pay attention to the speaker’s body language as well. It works both ways。
要对你的身体语言多加注意。做出坦率的姿势，不要有攻击性，面对着谈话者，靠向他而不是远离他，不要夹着手，注意头部倾斜的角度和表情。(比如，我因为舒适而倾向于双手环抱在胸前，因为专注而略微皱眉头，但是这种身体语言表示防卫和批判，因此我需要努力变得温和一些。)同时，注意讲话者的身体语言。这种语言是双向的。

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5. Offer encouragement
给予鼓励

Nod occasionally, and offer a judiciously placed ‘Yes,’ “OK”. ‘I understand”， or“Good”. Just be careful not to overdo it or you risk coming across as irritating or rushing. If used sparingly and authentically, encouragement is affirming。
偶尔点头，并且在合适的时机说“是的”、“好的”、“我理解”和“不错”等话。但是请注意，这些词语不能过量使用，否则你会给人恼怒和冲动的印象。如果我们偶尔正确地使用它们，那就肯定可以给予他人鼓励。

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6. Allow silence
允许沉默

Silence in a conversation can be scary, but a pause allows the speaker to gather their thoughts and for you to digest what is being said。
在一场谈话中，沉默看起来很吓人，但是暂停可以让讲话者整理他的想法，并且让你消化已经说过的话

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7. Don’t interrupt!  
不要打断！

It’s disrespectful and distracting.
这很无理，而且会让讲话者分心。

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8. Reflect back
反馈

Restate, but don’t repeat verbatim. Paraphrase what you think the other party is saying with responses such as: “What I’m hearing is…” or “Let me see if I’m following you…” Reflecting back what you’ve heard signals that you’re attempting to understand fully。
重申，而不是逐字重复。用你的方式讲出对方的话，比如：“我听到的是……” 或者“我让想想，我理解你的意思应该是……”反映你听到的信息表明了你的充分了解。